


The shit we've been through

by thunderingskies



Series: You bring out the worst in me [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Drug Addiction, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-17
Updated: 2017-03-17
Packaged: 2018-10-06 19:44:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10343268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderingskies/pseuds/thunderingskies
Summary: Tooru shouldn't be here.Every time he touches him, feels his cold, clammy hands, and unsteady heartbeat, ithurts.





	

Tooru shouldn’t be here. 

He  _ shouldn’t. _

Really and truly, he knows this.

It’s not good for either of them. 

For him, it hurts. It hurts  _ badly _ . He feels like he’s suffocating, being trapped in this tiny apartment, four walls closing in, like a hand tightening around his throat. Every second he gets closer, the grip tightens. It’s hard to breathe, the heavy scent of stale air overwhelming him.

Every time he touches him, feels his cold, clammy hands, and unsteady heartbeat, it  _ hurts. _

It hurts Hajime, too.

Knowing that Tooru is going to let him back in, no matter what he does. Seeing the way Tooru’s face shifts, full of hurt and disappointment, every time he comes, only to find that Hajime hasn’t changed.

That he  _ can’t _ change.

That he’s broken. Beyond repair.

He can’t control this anymore. 

But still, Tooru shows up, every second Wednesday evening, after his late shift. At the apartment on Thirty-Second where Hajime has lived for the past two years, ever since he disappeared from their relationship… from their friendship.

From Tooru’s life. 

He knocks on the door, and ignores the silence, opening the door and making his way in.

He picks Hajime up from the pit he’s fallen into, the pit he’s desperately clawing to get out of, and helps him scrub off some of the haze, if only for the evening.

Tooru helps him shower, and cleans while he changes. He sets out food he’s brought; sometimes Chinese take-out, other times pizza. Always too much for them to eat, and he always leaves the leftovers.

They sit on his old, worn couch and eat. The cable’s long been shut off, but Tooru talks. Tells him about work, about patients. About his new neighbour across the hall who’s always cooking curry, and filling the halls with the smell of it even though it makes Tooru feel sick. Tooru fills him in on what Makki and Mattsun are doing. 

Hajime has stopped trying to get in touch with them, but he still likes knowing they’re good. Happy. It relieves some of the pressure from his being, helps keep the stitches woven around his heart from ripping for a little bit longer.

Tooru doesn’t leave. When Hajime presses closer, he lets him. He doesn’t comment on the weight he’s lost. He doesn’t comment on the marks, on the bruises, on any of it. He already knows where they’re from. And talking about it, that’ll break the spell, and Tooru wants to pretend for a little longer… pretend that Hajime is still  _ Hajime _ , his best friend, his lover.

But he’s not, really. Not anymore.

They fall back together. It feels good - it feels  _ right. _ It feels like nothing’s changed, when he’s got Tooru pressed against him, their lips moving together in tandem. Beautifully, naturally. Like they’re supposed to be. Tooru’s skin is soft, and Hajime feels like he can breathe again, touching him freely like this.

It doesn’t last. It can’t.

Hajime cries as he comes. This is wrong. All of it, and he knows it. Tooru holds him close, kisses away his tears, whispers words to him that Hajime can’t make out. His heart twists. Tooru loves him so, so much, so much that it hurts.

He cries because he loves him back.

And even though he loves him back, when morning comes, Tooru wakes up alone.  It’s not a surprise anymore, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

Hajime leaves him with nothing more than a note.

_ I’m sorry. _

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry guys, this AU so far is a long of angst, but fear not - there WILL be some resolution!
> 
> I get inspiration for this on and off, so I've made it into a series. It probably won't ever get a huge fic, but I'll be continuing to write one-shots for it, because I do have a lot of plans and headcanons for this story. If you ever want to chat about this (and maybe hear some HCs/idea's I have ;)) or any of my other AUs, hit me up on [my tumblr](http://josai.tumblr.com/)!


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